


The 'L' Word

by isseitaka



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual MatsuHana, Getting a grasp on your feelings, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Self-Hatred, eventual togetherness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-08-19 16:24:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8216855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isseitaka/pseuds/isseitaka
Summary: You want to be happy for them, but the truth says otherwise.  You hate what this is doing to you but you can't help it because the green-eyed monster adores you.





	1. Chapter 1

Hanamaki hates Matsukawa’s girlfriend.

Her name itself: Ame, translated to rain. So unoriginal, so cliche. One syllable that doesn’t even roll off the tongue. Just a plain, simple name. Ame.

Quite small too, just a few inches shorter than himself and barely has a waist: could compare with her eating habits as she keeps her meals small yet sufficient, refuses any offerings (other than a bite of Matsukawa’s french fries every so often) yet is always the last to finish her meals.

Contrary to Hanamaki himself, as she stares in slight disgust and fascination as he inhales his pork ham sandwich right in front of them while a bag of treats from the bakery-next-door sits beside his plate. She had once asked him where all his food went causing quite the ruckus from the table. Matsukawa pointed to Hanamaki’s hips looking serious and his other teammates broke into hysterics making Hanamaki crack a smile. She giggles, actually giggles and it pisses him off so much that he orders more food just to annoy them (And his wallet as they all decided to pay their own way - and of course Matsukawa Issei, the gentleman he is, doesn’t allow his girlfriend to pay for herself even with the short protests she gives (But I mean come on, she could have retorted a little bit longer)). 

He hates her laugh just as much. Her long hair done in braids sitting nicely over her shoulders, her toned cheeks: tanned, beautiful, honey-brown eyes that sort of make you want to protect them. It’s no wonder why Matsukawa chose her: beautiful as she is, Matsukawa also had his own perks, his build proving it quite, rough enough to throw a volleyball and have it bounce back. Kind enough to make even men wish (perhaps, maybe for a second) it was them he was spoiling and not the short, beautiful, manner-driven shoujo princess of fairyland(who they also wanted). 

In the beginning he thought he was in love with her, in the days she started taking Matsukawa’s attention away he would watch them closely and feel that little ‘tinge’ in the depth of his stomach which told him something was really wrong. The truth appeared to him much later, with help from his companions and a book he read at the library one day as he was waiting for them(he was never one to enjoy romance fiction until that day, now he and his mother had something in common.) He had found something quite peculiar about himself, and unfortunately, in the days after, his symptoms appeared to be growing even worse. Yet so did his hatred.

For she is just a reminder of what he isn’t. She is a reminder of the fact that Matsukawa would never want a person like him. So he hates her, Really, truly hates Saki Ame. 

_How pathetic._

But even more, Hanamaki Takahiro hates himself.


	2. Chapter 2

When did Hanamaki stop smiling?

Such a thought never crossed the mind of Matsukawa Issei, even after knowing eachother for so long. Not to say that he was so busy with his own life to not notice his best friend's utter turmoil, he could still sense when he was upset about something, like the time when someone swiped his profiteroles from his locker and Matsukawa promised to go with him after school to buy more or when Hanamaki got scolded by his teacher (again) after doing his assignment wrong and Matsukawa was there, helping him redo it.

It wasn't that Matsukawa didn't realize that Hanamaki stopped smiling, it was that Hanamaki had never stopped smiling _for him_. After all those gestures that were quite small in Matsukawa's mind (natural almost), that were apparently quite big in Hanamaki's own, he'd always see the imprint of that cheeky grin, sometimes mischevious, sometimes grateful, but one that Matsukawa loved with his entire heart. He dreamed about that smile. And despite seeing it a lot, almost everyday, Matsukawa didn't think he would ever get tired of it. Because it was so Makki and he never in a thousand years expected it to wander away from him, really.

But when he got a call from a concerned recipient that Matsukawa adored just as much, suddenly it put his whole life into a spiral, making him doubt himself.

"He's been out of it, Issei. He's been staying in his room constantly, refusing to come out when asked. Giving me attitude. And we've been getting a lot of leftovers ..." Matsukawa would normally find this amusing if it was anyone else, but the meaning behind those words stuck a cord with him, with her, with everybody, "Please, I know you are his best friend, if anyone knows it's you. Did something happen?"

Matsukawa tried his best to sound calm, for Hanamaki's mother's sake, "I think he's just stressed for the upcoming midterms, Okaa-san." He told her, wiggling the cord of the home phone between his finger tips, "I will take care of it though, don't worry."

"Thank you. I will continue to worry because I am his mother, but knowing you're there for him makes me not want to rip my hair out. Maybe his though. And yours if you don't figure this out." She laughed a little as did he, "I hope you satisfy your end of the bargain and bring him back."

"Yes, of course." 

Matsukawa dropped the phone back into the receiver and sighed. Then a hundred questions seemed to hit him full-force.

***

"There's something wrong with Makki." Matsukawa tells his girlfriend over lunch, a not-so- crowded fast food place. A teenager hangout mostly though every so table there were parent(s) with their kids, or older women with their girlfriends.

Yesterday, after Hanamaki's mother called, he asked Hanamaki whether he wanted to hang out which he quickly agreed too. And it was then that he noticed a few daunting things. Like how Hanamaki seemed physically more tired than usual, that he barely even glanced in Matsukawa's direction, although he was eating like he usually did, he was looking off into the window with a dazed expression. There was lightheartened joke cracking and insulting of one's mothers, and arm punching, and mindless giggling. But after Matsukawa had taken a call from his girlfriend, Hanamaki had suddenly insisted he had to go home and study; when Matsukawa said he could help him, Hanamaki had smiled, punched him in the shoulder, and told him he could handle it. Then left without eating his fries.

Something was definitely not right.

"Maybe he really is just worried for exams?"

Matsukawa didn't seem to register what she had said, holding his soda tightly within his bare hands, in thought, "I promised his mother I would look into things." He sipped at it mindlessly, loudly, stopped when she gave him 'the look',"Maybe I should go surprise him at his house, not leave until he tells me what's going on."

"You can't do that!" She refuted, knitting her eyebrows together as if that was the worst idea possible, "Maybe he just needs space?"

"Makki, space from his friends? He's the most needy person I know." She opened her mouth to continue, but he cut her off quite quickly, "Trust me, I know Makki. He might try to push us away when down, insisting he could get through this alone, when in reality we're what he wants most. All I know is... I can't not do something." He took another strong sip of his drink, finishing it, then standing up. Already having made his mind up. Then he paused, and asked, "Want to come?"

She stood up as well, grabbing her small bag, and hesitantly asked, "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Of course. I'm 100% sure his mother will like you, too."

She smiled as he kissed her cheek apologetically for their short date, and watched as he took the tray of wrappers to throw them out, simultaneously taking out his phone to call Hanamaki's mother and warn her of their visit. Issei was always thinking about other people before himself... Hanamaki was lucky to have a friend like him.


End file.
